Selfish Love

All of us know that love is a characteristic of life that makes one unselfish. Or does it? There is an aspect of love that can turn into a very selfish thing. This is manifested in immature actions and in the context of loving the idea of love as opposed to accepting the reality of love. Sometimes, it is hard to tell the difference between the two. Mature love reveals itself through the actions of demonstrating understanding and long suffering. Immature love thinks only in terms of what one feels and the personal benefits that one receives from love. That is selfish love.

In my years of pastoring, I have counseled many individuals in troubled marriages.  After listening to the issues, it has become apparent to me that a lot of us enter into marriage with selfish love.  I remember reading a passage of scripture concerning the life of Abraham in Genesis 20.  (I hope that you will go there and read verses 1-18 after reading this post. ) Abraham demonstrates to me the struggle of a man attempting to live a life by faith and a love of God.  

One of the most powerful lessons is what Abraham's story teaches us about God's reaction in faithfulness to us.  Abraham, at this point, is an old man, but he commits a sin that is identical to the sin that he committed many years earlier while he was in Egypt (Genesis 13).  Even though Sarah was advanced in age, it is obvious that her physical attraction had not diminished that much at all.  Abraham attempted to deceive  Abimelech, ruler of the land that he was living in at the time.  As it was in Egypt, God himself intervenes on behalf of Abraham by appearing to Abimelech in a dream to rescue him.  How would he not have learned from the first mistake?

For all of us who take the journey of living by faith, this is a real problem.  The Bible tells us that we all have to walk in the steps of Abraham in Romans 4.  Our love for God calls for us to do the right thing, but the pressures of life and the love of self can push us in the other direction.  The reason Abraham gave for his actions was this:  "Because I thought surely that the fear of God is not in this place and they will slay me for my wife's sake" (Genesis 20:11).   I see this as a clear example of selfish love. He was willing to put his wife in harm's way in order to save himself.  Was this not the statement that satan made to God in Job 2 where he said "skin for skin, yea, all that a man hath will he give for his life"?  Satan is speaking about selfish love.

When our relationship with God is built so that we only think in terms of how our actions impact self without thought for others who are part of our influence, the tendency is to make a wrong decision even to the point of making the same mistake over and over again.  As believers,  we cannot please God if we are living life in the flesh.  That is Lucifer in the flesh!